delmorpha.com

This crabby old cunt is Gwyneth Dunwoody MP, and if you live in the Crewe and Nantwich remember to not vote for her in the next local election. She is the tragic waste of oxygen that started the whole debate about the driving age in the UK being increased to 18, banning young drivers from having passengers “in the dark” and a zero tolerance for alcohol. Now rather than talk about whether this is right or wrong (its obviously retarded) I’m going to put my own proposition forward. It a proposition to decrease the age people can drive at for the good of the gene pool.

I mean for fucks sake, look at her. The double chin tells you enough that she’s a moaning old bitch at the best of times and probably tars anyone under 25 as the “youth of today” and blames them for the thousands of pounds worth of damages to the trees on the bridge in her constituency, calling them savages and thugs… oh wait, maybe that didn’t happen there, I must’ve got confused with something from a past life!

Anyway, joking aside, I genuinely believe lowering the legal driving limit would do society some good as a whole, and I’ll prove it with their own statistics, as bullshit as they are. It’s just a classic case of trying to prove things with numbers. Anyone can do it. I can say “86% of pensioners smell of piss” and, although true, it doesn’t make it so.

Government figures show that one-third of road deaths involve a person aged between 17 and 25, although this group accounts for just one in eight licence-holders.

The first statistic aimed at pushing there agenda was that a third of all deaths on the roads involve drivers aged 17 to 25. Right, ok lets dissect what that involves over what its implying.

This is just the bait you see, and the bovine bite would say “ooh, thats a lot isn’t it. Maybe we should up the age limit, it might make a difference”. You just need to stop watching the TV for five fucking minutes to dig a little deeper to see this as the bullshit Draconian measures that are becoming so typical of this fucking country.

You see, last year 3423 people died on the roads in the UK, some of the lowest figures in the world per persona. So 1000 deaths last year were caused at the wheel that somehow involved a 17 - 25 year old. This can be anything from getting hit by someone else and the younger driver dying, a young driver hitting someone, whatever. Now the stats seem more generic, and a little like finger pointing dont they?

Take 1/6th of 1141 out as their ball park for that age group being “out and about” and littering the streets as they do around colleges and universities in the day, a prime time for accidents. We’ll call KIA or the people killed indirectly as a result of anybody elses driving. Thats 190 of the 1/3 of deaths that technically are correct, but are actually bullshit statistic bloaters. The stats now become 27% and closer to 1 in 4, and whilst high, I’d say it was fair to say that an “inexperienced” driver is twice as likely to kill you as an “experienced” driver is a less shocking statement.

It shows more that experience counts rather than the age you learn. People are going to get killed no matter what age they start learning.

I can probably assume a larger proportion of deaths, using this crazy mathematical abuse, are the direct result of pensioners, and you don’t see the old bitch jumping on her high horse saying biddies should be banned from driving now do you? I was intrigued to find the actual numbers from the Department of Transport website and the stats prove my theory.

The statistics are from 2004 but the overall numbers don’t really change much so my assessment can be deemed as fair. In 2004, pedestrian casualty fatalities for 16-59 year olds totalled 323, yet over 60’s was 266. Now given the percentage of pensioners making up licence holders, oh my god! SOMEONE CALL GORDON BROWN NOW, WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THESE KILLER BIDDIES!!11one

No, we really don’t… you piss stained old battle axe… the biggest problem is the numbers are pretty vague for age groupings, and theoretically, like most things involving numbers, can add up any way you like. You can always rely on +c to integrate the maths anyway you like (sorry, thats the geekiest joke I’ve ever attempted to write).

Anyway, now I’ve descrambled their bullshit I’ll tell you about my theory on this.

When I see some 17 year old Burberry cap balancing scroat and the car full of his chav mates mangled up in the Vauxhall Corsa with a spoiler and big exhaust, I’m not thinking “Oh my God, what a waste of young life”. I’m laughing and thinking “Thank fuck for that. A car full of potential Darwin Award winning douchebags have been taken out the gene pool and won’t be able to procreate. There is a God!”.

If you were too stupid to drive according to the road conditions you deserved to die, and by killing your idiot friends too, you’ve actually done society a massive favour as shit tends to stick together. You would probably get a Burberry Heart for your bravery if the CSA were still around…

Therefore, Delmorpha.com says lower the legal driving age to 12 and lets start cleaning the gene pool up from a younger age! If we offer free driving lessons for the offspring of single mothers we’re going to have a ‘win-win’ situation on ours hands. The logic? Well single mothers can get a lift off their bastard kids to an actual job rather than sitting in their “lush” (what a fucking stupid chav word that is) council house on their leather suite paid for by Joe Public and start paying some tax back towards the hard workers that have been supporting their offspring for the last 12 years. If the child is a moron, he’ll drive accordingly, hopefully taking out as many of the social leeches as possible when they die in a fire from the resulting car crash.

Fucking told you it was Win-Win…

Accidents do happen, and are more likely to happen to young drivers not because of their age, just because they’re likely to be the demographic of drivers with the least experience. If you’re too stupid to realise that, maybe you shouldn’t be an MP, so stop pushing your youth hating agenda onto the rest of the 3 million young drivers that don’t mangle their friends up and proceed into later life accident free, you know… whilst they’re building up the experience needed to be a good* better driver.

* I won’t say good… the only good driver is me, and I’m sure every other driver on the road has the same opinion about themselves!