delmorpha.com

It’s true.. you see, if you get enough monkeys and enough typewriters, one day they’ll write a line of Delmorpha.com…

I found a sneaky little article on the BBC News website confirming an article I wrote a few months back about Last.FM being a bunch of sell out mother fuckers and look, they’ve “struck a deal” with the enemy, Sony Music. The BBC article is here…

Rather than swoosh around gloating about being right (I mean it was pretty obvious), what pissed me off was how the BBC has coupled the Foo Fighters and Natasha Fucking Horse Faced Cunt Bedingfield together in one sentence. That should be punishable by death, unless you’re saying something like “Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters was commended today with a Nobel Peace Prize for repeatedly punching Natasha Bedingfield in the face until she was dead, ensuring she can no longer subject the world to her whiny, bunny boiling melodies”. Cunt.

Anyway, before I get sucked into creating IHateNatashaBedingfield.com I’m going to leave you with this example of how much the Record Industry hates you, the consumer, and is just there to fuck every little penny out of you it can .

“The Last.fm streaming service will give our established artists a platform through which they can reach new audiences, and its unique recommendation system will provide our emerging artists with an important opportunity to build their fan base,” he said.

Translation:

“We have just anally raped the biggest distributor on online radio in the UK so hard we’ve sent a message to all the smaller outfits on the Internetz, letting them know that they cannot beat us and must join us now. We are music. We decide what is an acceptable form of distribution at the end of the day. We now decide what you like and what you don’t like. If we want to push shitty bands on you that sound nothing like your similar artists, we will. We are Douche. Resistance is futile. ”

So if you do listen to Last.FuckOff and they slip in a Natasha Bedingfield or some other Sony scrotum’s track whilst you’re trying to enjoy a session of Death Metal, just think of this site and how we told you so… then close it down and get back on Pandora… its a much better service anyway!

Theres nothing worse than the day someone sells out. Whether it be Everclear featuring on a Gap advert and going on to “write” some of the worst Alternative Generation music of all time, Jay Leno pushing Doritos on “Bovine America” when he’s earning over $2 million a year, Jeremy Clarkson - a so called critic, advertising British Telecom proving his opinion can be bought (like BT could do anything good…), whatever… it just shows a sad side of every day life. Last.FM took that step today..

CBS have spent a £140m in the biggest web 2.0 transaction in the UK every, thus proving good things that benefit the public don’t last long, and when they do it only takes cash to “silence” the creators.. large or small.. everyone has a price…

CBS… i doubt they have anything other than fucking Joe Public with DRM in mind, also has major vested interests… namely because they had a large stake in the American Record Corporation, the parent of its former investor Columbia Records, renamed “Sony Music” in 1991. It reopened CBS Records in 2006 but Im sure it still has connections with the evil that is Sony Music. Given the massive pressure the RIAA is applying for royalties from the good (Pandora), the bad (iTunes) and the Ugly (The Pirate Bay), buying Last.FM - a site with 150 million users - gives them a massive head start and a direct stream into those already engrained in choose your own online radio.

The creator of Pandora.com dropped by after me suggesting the RIAA was sticking its cock right up its arse and fucking it hard… he clarified a few things and I feel somewhat happier that they aren’t going to get shafted; I wonder if the 3 fellow Brits who own Last.FM would be good enough to drop by and do the same.

I feel like Nostradamus, I just got my dates and names mixed up. Last.FM has just set itself up to co-operate with (i.e. get raped by) the RIAA and/or what the Record Industry wants (i.e. control of what we thought we were doing ourselves)… unfortuantely it dropped its pants and took a load right up the arse. We will see some “changes” soon enough… of that I’m sure! The first will be new registrations will need a post code - that will be cross referenced with your IP address and then with the backlog of P2P data the RIAA has been collecting for years, and before you know it, the suits are knocking on your door busting you for downloading “Metallicock”  all those years ago…

The worst thing is, in a world of favours for favours, a company formally owning Sony Music, one that has ties with 20th Century Fox, Tristar pictures (a joint venture with another Sony company) and many other corporate ties, they’re really not going to want to rock the boat.. no, what they’re going to want to do is make us pay more so the big wigs can continue to sit around, smoking Cubans and playing golf. They jet around the Globe ensuring they reap what we sow, whilst I sit here in my underpants and blog (i.e. talk to myself) late at night, angry and tired from another back breaking day in the office.

This is another case of The Man stepping in and restricting this World Wide Web us nerds set out to create with the ideal of neutrality… don’t make us take it back you money grabbing mother fuckers… because we could, and if you’re not careful, it’ll happen any day soon!

I am a whore. Only hours after Pandora left me I’m already “in bed” with her hotter British second cousin Last.FM and from what I can tell she does all the things Pandora didn’t let you do.. she even lets you share her goodies with your friends!

With a sexier, more streamlined interface, and thus far less Americanised music choices, Last.FM is filling the stop gap whilst Pandora gets its fuck on with the RIAA and she comes back a beaten and abused version of herself.

I didn’t want my relationship with Pandora to end, but somehow it has.. her abusive Uncle has come home stomping his feet at her being too cheap, too fancy free with her content and she needs to “Shape Up or he will kill her”. I’m not into the needy type, and Pandora will come crawling back and be needier than ever, so our relationship is most definitely over.

So Last.FM gets my vote as Site of the Week… if only because she was there for me the day I broke up with Pandora..