Archive for Jehovahs Witnesses

Crazy Jehovahs Witness practises!

13 Jun, 2007  2 Comments

I love religion - no honestly I do…it gives me plenty of material for my blog! Of all the mental religions, I think Jehovah’s Witnesses have to be up their in the ranks of craziness. Some of their beliefs are in the ranks of mental and here are the best bits!

 

Jehovah’s Witnesses think you’re not going to Heaven and neither are they!

· Heaven is only for select Jehovah’s Witnesses
· Heaven is limited only to 144,000 Jehovah’s Witnesses
· Jehovah’s Witnesses are the only true Christians
· There is no life after death (except for the 144,000)

Starting the crazy shit that JoHos believe is the fact that they think only 144,000 people are allowed into Heaven. I mean what happens to the soul of someone when someone more holy needs to get in?! Can you still earn “God points” in heaven or is it like a giant high score table??

Jehovah’s Witnesses share my beliefs

· All pastors are the “Antichrist”

· All churches are of Satan

· All governments are controlled by Satan

I actually agree with these…

Jehovah’s Witnesses are “wannabe” Jews

  • You cannot buy girl Scout cookies
  • You cannot celebrate any holidays (Christmas, Easter, etc.)
  • You cannot celebrate your birthday
  • You forbidden to use any tobacco products
  • The Lord’s supper can only be offered once per year
  • JWs in times of crisis, are strongly discouraged from consulting with family counselors, including mental health professionals who are not Jehovah’s Witnesses
  • You cannot join any clubs or sports teams
  • You cannot celebrate Mothers or Fathers day
  • You are discouraged from giving to charity (except Watchtower causes)
  • You cannot have a tattoo

All these are related to saving money because they are actually “wannabe” Jews.

I’m glad Jehovas Witnesses aren’t allowed tattoos too… that way they’re still cool..


Jehovah’s Witnesses are pussies..

· You cannot be a police officer
· You cannot salute the flag, stand for the national anthem, or own a flag
· You cannot serve in the military
· You cannot be involved in martial arts, boxing or wrestling

So by faith you’re never allowed to do anything to protect anyone else and have to remain a wuss throughout your life. Knowing this would give school kids an advantage in the playground when picking on the weaker kids… spread the word!

Jehovah’s Witnesses are actually mental…

· You cannot be a cheerleader
· You cannot have friends who are not Jehovah’s Witnesses
· Women cannot pray in the presence of men without a hat
· You must not own wind-chimes
· JWs are forbidden to say “good luck”
· You cannot participate in a school play

These all go to prove that JoHos are all actually mentalists that should be locked up in a padded cell for having balloons tied to their ears and hearing “the voices”.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are arrogant fuckers…

· Only Jehovah’s Witnesses can understand the Bible
· Jesus did not die on a cross but an upright pole
· You cannot understand the Bible without Watchtower literature to explain it
· The Watchtower organization is God’s prophet on earth today
· God only speaks through the “Governing Body” in Brooklyn, New York
· Only Jehovah’s Witness prayers are heard by God
· God will destroy all non-Jehovah’s Witnesses at Armageddon
· Angels direct the Watchtower organization
· You can never question what is printed in Watchtower literature

Most religions are self righteous, pompous and arrogant but JoHos really take the piss!

Not only do they think everyone other than themselves is wrong, they also have an internal Hierarchy of Arrogance that’s power is absolute.

I’ve always questioned anything that came out of Brooklyn.. hardly renown as a spiritual home… last time I checked it was a gang land, not somewhere I would expect Gods voice to go

Angels direct the Watchtower indeed… more like gangsters with dollar signs in their eyes

Jehovah’s Witnesses harbor sex offenders…

· A child abuser is reported to Watchtower elders and not the police· Men cannot wear beards· Jehovah’s Witness meeting places have no windows

Riiiiight…. Don’t report a child abuser to the police, report it to the “gang” in Brooklyn as they have more power to sort this out than the police will..

No, what actually happens is they’re told to grow a beard so we can easily identify them in the future… and the meeting place with no windows… well, go figure… :D


Jehovah’s Witnesses love to piss you off…

· You must go from door to door weekly to gain converts

The part that we all love.. Door to Door visits! My dad used to invite them in to “chat” to them.. trying to change their believes rather than his own, until one week on my sisters birthday my mum answered the door and firmly told them to “fuck off now” and they never came back.


These facts were taken from a 101 strange believes of Jehovah’s Witnesses that can be found at http://www.geocities.com/paulblizard/reasons.html -