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Its been a while since I updated you on how people are getting to the site… as I mentioned, its largely because I’ve been hoping the Gay Community would leave me alone, but like flies to shit, I attract homosexuality… so rather than spit the dummy out, I’m embracing my masculinity and I’m just going to continue my parade of the weird ways they come to the site… I think its a funny feature that I’ve been missing! This is The Gayest Blog in the World after all…

Webalizer stats for August

Top Overall Google Searches

Top 20 for my overall Google is still looking pretty porntastic. Gay Cock Fuckers and Naked Vixens are still front page titles. My Wii advise for the 52130 Wii error post is still going strong… it was afterall, a pretty good fix to something Nintendo are too dumb to write about themselves.

Lol… I feel kind of bad to take over the number 1 spot in the search for Stupidfuckingcustomers - I am their number one fan but seriously, they should be top of Google for their own website really… sorry Phorenzik!

Funny Google Searches that aren’t in the Top 20

(from google.com.au)
Australians love their cock fuckers apparently…

(from google.it)
Italians think delmorpha.com is the shizzu! At least we’re popular somewhere…

(from google.co.uk)
I’m glad to see if you’re looking for information on Alison Jack, the fucking cunt behind Defend Lytham, you find my article about her being a Beautiful South fan in the number one spot. People should be made aware of that before they start banging on about Lytham Quays… that project was going to be awesome and her army of whiteheads ruined it…

..and Awesomeness that I hate Natasha Bedingfield bags us a number 4 spot on Google. I had the misfortune of seeing the first moments of her video diary on You Tube the other week and I almost tried to “knock out” my monitor it made me that angry. I wouldn’t mind but I was tricked into viewing it! It was in the featured downloads section and made no reference to horseface at all… wankers!

It’s true.. you see, if you get enough monkeys and enough typewriters, one day they’ll write a line of Delmorpha.com…

I found a sneaky little article on the BBC News website confirming an article I wrote a few months back about Last.FM being a bunch of sell out mother fuckers and look, they’ve “struck a deal” with the enemy, Sony Music. The BBC article is here…

Rather than swoosh around gloating about being right (I mean it was pretty obvious), what pissed me off was how the BBC has coupled the Foo Fighters and Natasha Fucking Horse Faced Cunt Bedingfield together in one sentence. That should be punishable by death, unless you’re saying something like “Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters was commended today with a Nobel Peace Prize for repeatedly punching Natasha Bedingfield in the face until she was dead, ensuring she can no longer subject the world to her whiny, bunny boiling melodies”. Cunt.

Anyway, before I get sucked into creating IHateNatashaBedingfield.com I’m going to leave you with this example of how much the Record Industry hates you, the consumer, and is just there to fuck every little penny out of you it can .

“The Last.fm streaming service will give our established artists a platform through which they can reach new audiences, and its unique recommendation system will provide our emerging artists with an important opportunity to build their fan base,” he said.

Translation:

“We have just anally raped the biggest distributor on online radio in the UK so hard we’ve sent a message to all the smaller outfits on the Internetz, letting them know that they cannot beat us and must join us now. We are music. We decide what is an acceptable form of distribution at the end of the day. We now decide what you like and what you don’t like. If we want to push shitty bands on you that sound nothing like your similar artists, we will. We are Douche. Resistance is futile. ”

So if you do listen to Last.FuckOff and they slip in a Natasha Bedingfield or some other Sony scrotum’s track whilst you’re trying to enjoy a session of Death Metal, just think of this site and how we told you so… then close it down and get back on Pandora… its a much better service anyway!

Knowing the time I spent letting the world know how much I hate Natasha Bedingfield, I felt I was obliged to add her to this site when I stumbled upon it this evening from a link on UKResistance.

Just in case your internet has some kind of filtering on it to block certain rude URLs, here is the rudeness I added to the site.

Stalking, crazy, noise polluting cunt guilty of crimes against music. If the recent release of “I want to have your babies” isn’t enough, her horselike appearance makes her a definite cunt. Horses are cunts too, but not quite as much as old Natasha..

There are probably thousands upon thousands of people I could add to this site, but Horseface is my hate flavour of the month so I thought I would do some self promotion by tagging the image and get her on there. I felt I needed to get a bit of horse hate in there too (probably some of the reason I hate Natasha Bedingfield) but I think I’ve got my main point across now!

There are some funny additions on there, including Jamie Oliver and Davina McCall, and the site is worth checking out to kill 10 minutes of your day if you’re bored.

http://www.cuntscorner.com/

Nothing makes my piss boil more than people wanking off over how cute/great/amazing babies are. Get over it, children aren’t special.. Bill Hicks tried to tell the world that and he saw his numbers dwindle, but I’m afraid its true..

Anyway, I was recently subjected to one of the worst things my eyes and ears have ever been subjected to, so bad i wanted to get a soldering iron and burn out my eyeballs, then squirt superglue in my earholes so I would never have to go through it again.

I once thought and hoped that karma had caught up with the Bedingfield household for crimes against humanity by subjected the world to its torturous overtones when Daniel Bedingfield was involved in a quite serious car accident, but unfortunately for Mother Earth, he managed to recover. His torment thereafter has been limited, but his accident paved the way for the torture that is his horse faced sister, Natasha. Knowing how much I fucking hate horses, she was someone I was always destined to hate, and far from a refreshing change to the music industry.

Amy had seen her new video and had to subject me to it, for the kicks of my facial expressions undoubtedly, but I almost couldn’t believe it. The gates of Hell had opened and the visual feast of Satans bowels were pouring out with sounds to boot.

Seriously.. the song is called something like “I want to have your babies” and the premise is old Horseface goes around dating men, but secretly she just wants a kid. She probably found the lyrics written on the back of a rizla on the bus on her way to cash her giro, they certainly hit home to what most 15 year old chavettes are thinking. She goes with numerous guys all run like men, but eventually finds some metaphorical eunuch who does want a baby with her. The end involves probably one of the worst things I’ve ever heard, with her rap talking and describing the babies shes seeing in her head. How that got into the album track Ill never know, maybe it was added just for the video in the name of “artist licensing”, who knows/cares.. it makes me wish I had the Ebola virus.

I wish I had an advanced TiVo for this shit, something that could detect the first few frames of shitty music videos and put them on block. It wouldn’t even be hard to do. My version would say something like:

The following “music” video has been blocked:

Natasha Beddingfield - I want to have your babies

Under the Crimes Against Music Act 2007. If you do want to listen to this atrocity, enter “666″ on your remote now.

Super Mega TiVo - making the World better by blocking the things that suck, one turd at a time.

So if you’re feeling like puking so hard your intestines feel like theyre on the way out then jump across to YouTube and watch the video… it might be good for a couple of days of work with a bad back if you retch hard enough (Im sure you will)..