This is an open letter to Nintendo Europe, to which I welcome their comments and feedback.

Dear Nintendo Europe,

Todays announcement of delays to Mario Party 8 in Europe is the last straw. It is my opinion (and shared by many of my European Brothers) that you now have a decision to make in Europe, one that you have been holding back on for too long. You must now “shit” or get off the “European Region Locking Pot”.

It is, quite frankly, insulting, the complete disregard you have for the European region when releases games for the Wii and the drought of the last 7 months has fractured our tentative relationship beyond the realms of belief, showing you quite frankly have not regard for the opinions or well being of European gamers. I thought Sony were bad for turning their backs on the EU, but you have now taken their place as King Hater of Europe.

Super Paper Mario was the first in what became a deluge of major disappointments within the EU, with releases dropping and rescheduling and no-one even flinching. It feels like developers are laughing at us behind our backs, saying “oh, Europe don’t mind… lets just delay it 9 months there and get on with something new” whilst some outsourcing team does translations into a whole host of languages at the cheapest possible price.

How is it taking 6-9 months on average to translate games? Trauma Centre, one of the only launch titles I wanted is still not out, due for release in late July! Its taken Microsoft all of 5 months to translate Blue Dragon into English and a further 3 to Europeanise it; a game boasting 3 DVDs of RPG goodness and many many hours of story to translate. I hardly see how some of the titles in your backlog of non-releases compare to the translation process of this Epic Title (greatness, not the company).

Microsofts console IS region free however, and the decision lies with the developers to lock or not to lock, so maybe thats where the incentive to get games translated in the fastest possible time lies. You have no incentive to get games out in Europe so maybe you need a kick up the arse to get you going.

And that is what I’m here to give you. I have no intentions of waiting for any more games in Europe. My Wii is going to the Highest Bidder soon enough, and I will be purchasing a US console thereafter. You show nothing but contempt for me and my fellow Europeans so I will return the compliment by doing everything I can to ween people off your European nipple and onto that of your American or Japanese sisters. Whether they’re modding their consoles to play imports, or buying direct from the US or Japan, I really don’t care, just as long as they’re not directly supporting your faction of hate on my Mother Land.

You hate us that much you even try to fob us off by feeding us morsels on the Virtual Console, gimped PAL releases of crappy old NES, SNES and TurboGrafx titles that are barely worth remembering and want us to buy them! Games that don’t even work properly on our consoles when emulated (Mario Kart 64). Games with insanely large borders (Super Probotector). Games not worth farting on.

Once again Nintendo Europe, Shit or get off the European Region Locking Pot… all we want is games. Games for a console we bought for more than in the US and Japan in good faith. Games we don’t expect to have to wait 9 months for. Shit or get off the European Region Locking Pot Nintendo, Shit or get off the European Region Locking Pot.

Amidst the drought of games in Europe for the Wii, a vague glimmer of hope arose a few months back when Resident Evil 4 was announced on the Wii. I’m excited because I love RE games and you know what… RE4 is the only RE game I haven’t played… Thats right… only the “best” Resident Evil game and me, the hardcore gamer, nerd and Resident Evil fan doesn’t own the game.

In any case, its release in Europe is (unsurprisingly) later than the rest of the world, but unlike the debacle that is Super Paper Mario, only by a few weeks.

Now you think it’s release would please me, seen as I’ve replaced my Wii-60 combo with a Dre-60 combo (pictures and article coming soon!) under my TV, and the Wii has been relegated to “Dust Collector” status up top, but it doesn’t. Why? Nintendo Fucking Europes greed thats why…

Capcom announced, due to fan uproar, that RE4 was going to be $29.99 as after all, a port of the Gamecube version with “better” controls. The exchange rate at the minute is floating around 2 to 1 on the dollar pound so you’d be expecting an RRP of £14.99, maybe £19.99 at a push.. given the extra tax the fucks in this country takes. But noooo… the RRP for the UK is much, much different.

£29.99! Thats right!

£29.99!!!!!!!!!!!

What a fucking disgrace…  Granted I can get it delivered for £24.99, but even $50 for an old Gamecube port is ridiculous. Capcom and Nintendo Europe can fuck right off and I’ll borrow the GC version off a friend and play through it that way. There we go Big N… you get nothing now.. how d’ya like them apples??

This really is the last straw for my PAL Wii… if anyone wants it, chuck me an email at nintendoeuropecaneatmyass@delmorpha.cock and make me an offer. I will be purchasing a US Wii in the near future…

I recently saw someone who had used Rit Dye on their Wiimote strap on Kotaku and thought it looked pretty cool so I decided to give it a whirl myself today. I have to say it looks frigging awesome and got me to thinking about doing it on the actual joypad, both a Wiimote, and a Xbox 360 controller!

As you can see from my pictures, the dyeing works really well, and gets into the plastic brilliantly leaving no streaking or banding. It really could be an official Nintendo Navy Strap… you wouldn’t be able to notice.

I have been told explicitly from the eBayer we bought the Rit dye from that you are best using US branded Rit dye as it is much stronger than the European equivalent, especially when it comes to fixing. As its plastic too, I would definitely recommend a US Rit dye (thats what I used) as the results are superb!

As it worked so well, I was intrigued as to what else would dye perfectly. My first thoughts are Amys Xbox 360 joypad.. which is going to look amazing in Rose Pink. Unfortuately Microsoft were kind enough to use pinned Torx 8 screws in the pad, so I need to send off for the screwdriver head before I can start on that. Next is the Wiimote itself, but again custom tri-directional screws stop short term tampering, until I get that screwdriver in the post too.

Both the Wiimote and the wireless 360 pad are going to look awesome in pink when I can get them apart, and both should be relatively easy to do. The joypads both lend themselves to a pastel pink given the things I wont be dyeing (i.e. the bumpers and grey dpad/analogue sticks on the 360 and the buttons on the Wiimote).

What this example is one of the cover bays cut in half with a hacksaw. I dyed one half in my boil bath and used the other half to stir and flip it. The results are astounding.

The dyed side is superbly rich in colour and the finish is consistence and streak free. The dye doesnt come off the plastic when i rub it with my finger, so long term use in gaming should be fine. Dying a full joypad with Rit dye is going to be the dogs bollocks! Watch this space for my how to guide on how to change the colour of your Wiimote or your Xbox 360 joypad coming soon!

In any case,wireless on my Wii has never really worked properly, probably due to the advanced setup of my network, or so I assumed until today. I’ve updated once or twice but its been insanely slow when it has worked and rather than Google for the problem, I’ve left it as I was really that bothered in the first place. The Virtual Console being the CashCow/joke it is can fuck right off and everything else online-wise is just shit.

I run a Linksys WRT54G with the custom DD-WRT firmware on it.. and what an excellent piece of firmware it is too. My wireless network is setup with Mac filtering and encrypted with WPA and I assumed thats what the Wii was having trouble with… that or the fact I only have about 40% signal strength according to the DD-WRT for the Wii when I tried to fix by assigning an IP address with DHCP.

What I’ve found worked with the Wii was for me to switch the router to channel 1 and to change the DNS to an external range… *shrugs* …. god knows why it worked but it did… maybe the Gamecube Wii has issues with non-unique channels on a network and doesn’t like to query an internal DNS..who knows..

If you are having problems with the Gamecube Wii online with the error codes 52130, 52131 or 52132, you will already know the Nintendo official explanation is practically useless telling you to “ensure your wireless interference is not causing the problem”. How exactly could you do that without some advanced tools for detecting the signal strength or noise levels, things that most standard router firmwares don’t actually have… and the fucking Gamecube Wii certainly doesn’t have anything other than that shitty error code!

The real solution is to try and change you wireless channel to either 1 or 11. Either of those channels should solve any potential interfering external networks as they are solus wireless channels. For some reason my Gamecube Wii spits the dummy out on channel 6.

I also changed my DNS to an external DNS like 62.69.64.134/135 for example. As I did this at the same time as changing the wireless channel Im not 100% sure which solved it! (Im also too lazy to delete one and see it was the other that did it…)

Finally, from a network admin point of view, I would also recommend using static IP addresses, turning off DHCP on your router, setting up Mac filtering and limiting the amount of connections you can have at once to the amount of wireless applications your household needs.

This is just good advice for wireless networking security in general and is infinitely better advice than just turning on encryption and thinking you’re secure.. and if you’re only using WEP then god help you!

Consider this wireless networking analogy. You have a nightclub with protection to get in. WEP Encryption is like having bouncers on the door that will let you in by SHOUTING the password at them… the trouble is it makes it pretty easy for anyone listening to hear the password, say it to the bouncers and get in.

By turning off DHCP, setting up MAC filtering and limiting the amount of connections you can have, your bouncer has now boosted his IQ by 30 points, putting him just over the “retard” boundary! He now checks peoples membership to the club (MAC filtering), he won’t just give out free membership to hot sluts who just asked for a membership card (DHCP) and even knows when the club is full!

You still might want to have a club password that can be either SHOUTED (WEP) or whispered (WPA, WPA2 or ideally WPA2 with RADIUS detection) for that added protection, but if we can limit who we actually let in too, rather than letting any old fool in with the right password, were going to have a much safer nightclub. Encryption will also black out the windows so no-one can see how bad your dancing is from the outside… you can hopefully now see why you might want to learn a bit more about wireless networking, and consider changing your password thats still set to “password”..

The MAC address of the Gamecube Wii can be found in Wii Settings -> Internet -> Console Information.

I’ve been waiting for Paper Mario since I was fortunate enough to get my Wii just before Xmas after weeks of hounding at my local Tescos (And their lies about not getting more stock in..). In fact, I’ve been waiting for any “good” game for the Wii since putting Zelda down.

Wii Sports are great, well.. the bowling and baseball elements are anyway, but they’re definitely not justifying a price tag and Nintendo got it right not to “charge” for it. Zelda is one of the greatest games of all time… and once I get my component cable Ill be back into it (it looks shit on my current TV via S-video cables), but there isn’t much out at the moment justifying a PAL price tag. The games I had interest in (Trauma Center and Super Swing Golf) have been postponed in Europe and are coming soon (6 months late isn’t good enough in 2007).

I’m starting to see the light and almost believing the Wii is a fad… I hate to say it too, but Nintendo Europe are doing NOTHING to rectify this and I just think we will continue to get the shaft throughout the life of the Wii. I was hoping to hear some good news when searching for PAL releases in Q2, a quarter thats never really full of great games, but as Nintendo have fucked us out of the release of a lot of games thus far, I wanted to see one “Home Run” title to make me believe in the Big N.

But the Wii line up is as follows for Q2 in Europe:

• Wing Island (Nintendo / Hudson) - 13th April 2007

Never heard of it… Hudson haven’t released a good game since Saturn Bomberman arguably and their latest revision, Bomberman Act:Zero is an atrocity to man that should be buried in Nevada with all those copies of E.T

• Chicken Little: Ace in Action (Disney Interactive Studios) - 20th April 2007

Don’t make me punch someone in the mouth…

• Cooking Mama Wii (505 Games) - April 2007

I actually have to say I kinda want to play thing game *hides head in shame*

• Elevator Action (505 Games) - April 2007

Sounds like cheap porn…

• Pop’n Pop (505 Games) - April 2007

Bust A Move ripoff maybe? Jordans breasts at 35,000ft? Who knows…

• Heatseeker (Codemasters) - April 2007

Again, sounds like cheap porn… involving Cowboys and pudding in hot tubs… *shudders*

• BIONICLE Heroes (Eidos / TT Games) - April 2007

Wow… I can already get this title on my 360 so I’m not going to pay more for a bastardised PAL Wii version.

• Eledees (Konami) - April 2007

NO NO NO NO NO!!! ITS ELEBITS YOU FUCKS!!!! I really, really, REALLY can’t believe they had to rename this game… and I really can’t believe how late this game is as its one of the few games I really wanted to play. It’s since been ripped to shreds so I’m not even sure I’m going to bother now anyway.

• Impossible Mission (System 3) - April 2007

Woohoo… old skool C64 action. Impossible Mission in my memories was an amazing game and I’m afraid to emulate it in fear of shattering that illusion. If this game blows I’m going to be very sad indeed.

• Mario Strikers Charged Football (Nintendo) - 25th May 2007

First game to support online play.. hmm… nah, Winning Eleven X anyone??

• Brunswick Bowling Wii (505 Games) - May 2007

Wii Bowling is about as professional as my bowling fix needs to be and that came free with my Wii…

• World Championship Poker Featuring Howard Lederer: All In Wii (505 Games) - May 2007

Gambling for fake money… sounds great! Oh wait… no, no it doesn’t… PKR.com?

• Spider-Man The Movie 3 (Activision) - May 2007

Movie exclusives… now they’re always great games…

• Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (Disney Interactive Studios) - May 2007

… see previous sarcasm…

• Mortal Kombat: Armageddon (Midway) - May 2007

Has there not already been an Mortal Kombat: Armageddon?! Great use of a cliche word rather than a number..

• Puzzle Balls (System 3) - May 2007

Oh LOLOL… better than Sticky Balls I guess!

• Chicken Shoot + Egg Catcher (ZOO Digital Publishing) - May 2007

So let me get this straight… I have to massacre chickens by blowing them to bits with a shotgun, then I have to steal their eggs? What a great idea for a game! 0.o

• Pangya! Golf with Style (Nintendo) - June 2007

Golf with Style. Notice the capitalisation of the word Style. Fuck me Nintendo, why not call it “Paris Hiltons Pangya! Golf with Style” and have that cum gobbling whore say “Thats hot…” after every shot. I’m seeing pink golf bags and golf balls with her Chihuahua on…

• Dave Mirra Racing Wii (505 Games) - June 2007

I wondered what happened to the source code for BMX XXX… well heres our answer!

• Transformers - June 2007

Oh please… leave the movie exclusives alone will you! Transformers was good back in the day… LEAVE IT ALONE!!

• Mercury Meltdown Revolution (Ignition) - Q2 2007

You think someone would have told the development team that mercury is perpetually in a liquid state and the concept of it melting isn’t a revolution…

• Metal Slug Anthology (Ignition) - Q2 2007

Great game… emulated brilliantly by my original Xbox that still resides underneath my TV.

Well… thats the lot! No Super Paper Mario, no Mario Galaxy, no Metroid, no Resident Evil 4 for Wii. Nothing! Youll see those titles on the other side of the Atlantic but not in Europe. So fuck you Nintendo, I’m off to Mr. Modchips so I can actually play some good games on the console with so much promise. This is the last time I get stung by a PAL machine, I swear to fucking Christ!!