delmorpha.com

This week I’m pissed off with my decision of Cunt of the Week as Royal Mail have clinched it at the very last minute. The Kaiser Chiefs were odds on favourite for most of it thanks to the announcement of the Official Guitar Heroes 3 tracklist… no harm, no fowl foul… it will just become a separate blog post for me to do before the weekend….

This weeks Cunt of the Week needs no introduction or blurb to give our reasoning, so I will just comment on the cuntiness of the the advertisement used in this weeks picture.

It says “Now there’s competition we need you to keep us in front”. We need to keep you in front? WE NEED TO KEEP YOU IN FRONT??? You need to do your fucking job properly, on time, not steal and break parcels and stop increasing prices unjustly. You also need to stop whining about pay rises when the company is in the shit and club together to get work done in the most efficient way.

Royal Mail you are Delmorpha.coms Cunt of the Week for not doing all of the aforementioned things.

Those lazy fuckers are off work on holiday again, this time for a fucking week! Seriously… when will they learn that strike action isn’t working and that by doing it, they’re seriously jeopardising not only their jobs, but the entire future of Royal Mail? I let the last strike pass with only a minor comment but this is getting fucking ridiculous now…

Striking quite obviously isn’t working and striking for a third and forth time shows completely how retarded your so called union is. You saw how bothered people were by the lack of mail previous times, and given that everyone in the country knows its happening, we’re making other arrangements to keep bills and payments on the go. Hell, my boss used TNT to get her passport to their office in time and it was an excellent service and only slightly more expensive than Special Delivery. It’s become a joke rather than a statement. Even she had a massive rant about Posties this morning…

Listen up because you’re obviously in need of some better advice than the shit your union is coming up with:

YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH A NEW PLAN OF ACTION!! STRIKING IS NOT GOING TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM. A POSTAL STRIKE IS THE MOST RETARDED STRIKE POSSIBLE.. YOU WILL CATCH UP WITH YOURSELVES ON THE FIRST DAY BACK SO ULTIMATELY WHAT’S THE FUCKING POINT OTHER THAN TO DISRUPT BRITISH BUSINESS AND AS WE NOW KNOW YOU’RE DOING IT, WE’RE MAKING OTHER ARRANGEMENTS.

EVERYONE IN THE COUNTRY IS SLOWLY BUT SURELY LOSING FAITH WITH ROYAL MAIL AND LETS FACE IT, YOU’RE HARDLY OUR MOST TRUSTWORTHY SERVICE AS IT IS. GIVE IT UP ALREADY, TAKE A MORE THAN GENEROUS PAY RISE (FROM A COMPANY POSTING LOSSES, YOU CHEEKY BASTARDS) AND BE THANKFUL YOU HAVE A JOB, YOU’RE NOT BEING PRIVATISED OR BEING BROKEN DOWN INTO SUBSIDUARIES.

WORK IS HARD AND JOBS CHANGE ALL THE TIME TO SUIT THE NATURE OF THOSE YOU SERVE, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. SUCK IT UP… WE’VE ALL HAD TO WHEN TIMES ARE HARD!

Sorry about the caps but they’re quite obviously not listening…

At the end of these strikes you’re going to find yourselves out of a job if you don’t. Britain’s businesses, not Royal Mail, will say enough is enough and a private company will have to come in with a slightly more expensive, but offering a better, more efficient service to clean up your mess. The postmen who do a good job will be lapped up and with any luck, the thieves and pikeys that do work at Royal Mail will be on their arse. It might go down in history as “Black eBay Day” with listings of the things you steal and eBay lose massive amounts off their share index (deservedly so, they’re bigger cunts than you afterall, no doubt about that). Britons will be now getting fleeced for yet another Public gone Private service… but thats the theme of things here these days isn’t it?

If you are an employee of Royal Mail, you might want to do a Google for “How to write a CV” and get lying. Royal Mail is Royally Fucked…

Not wanting to rattle Scotts proverbial cage I’m going to use another analogy for this post, but before I do, I will mention that my friend Al the PGD (Postman Glorified Division I think it stands for, but he stands by that he’s firmly not a postman and gets mad if you call him one!) said he firmly didn’t want to strike. He lost about £60 for not working one day, and he most certainly wasn’t in favour of strike action and that by doing so he is going to be on catchup for that money for the next few months. By striking again he’s now £120 down and feels he will be no further forward.. it just reiterates the “toys out the pram” stance of the union.

Anyway… my own analogy…

When I was a child I would at times throw a tantrum because I couldn’t get my own way. This would lead to a slapped arse, or my parents would just let me go for it and when I was finished, kick me back into touch. 9/10, the results of my tantrum wouldn’t lead to me getting my own way so eventually you would learn that by doing so, it was a complete waste of time and energy, so you accept the things that have been bestowed on you and you learn that sometimes life isn’t fair and a repeat of the action wasn’t necessary - my parents got the message already, they just didn’t care and had the bigger picture in mind.

Moving forward twenty-something years, sometimes I see children having a tantrum in the street, and as a third party you stand at the side line and have to laugh at the idiocy of the child, and the stupidity of whatever it is they’re trying to achieve. I can comment on what the child is doing is stupid, and although I might not understand that families particular differences, you can usually trust the parent has the best interest of the child at heart and laugh at the childish actions of the infant.

You stand and hope that they’ll learn from their mistakes, but as a child it will take them time to learn these life lessons so they might repeat the futile actions again in the future, but again they will learn they are completely pointless. Learning young should see them in good stead for later life after all.

If they don’t learn, you might accuse the parents of mollycoddling the child too much in the past. You know the types of people that give too many gifts and buy their children too many toys, let them do what they want, when they want and how they want and generally turn a blind eye to their bad behaviour. This is never a good thing for a child and will just lead to further tantrums in later life. Unfortunately, they will turn into a spoilt little brat.

Thats all I have to say on this matter… learn from your mistakes people, learn from your mistakes!

When I was 12 or 13 I had a paper round and I fucking hated it. I was a scrawny little runt and could barely lift the bag, plus I hate mornings so getting up to deliver papers was something I relished. At the time I needed the money for booze and drugs, you know, the usual things teenagers spend their money on, so I got on with it. The concept of delivering papers for about £1.25 a day in my mind is called “slave child labour”, but for some reason there’s some legal loophole that allows paper shops to exploit kids in this manner…

I’m sure there are kids that did love this job though, and the natural transition for those people is from PaperBoy to PostMan. Same job, just as a man the bag isn’t so crippling. Obviously, like many other jobs as complicated as this, the pay isn’t great, but theoretically their jobs could be done by a child, so the positions attract those with the mental capacities as such.

I mean there aren’t many jobs left where training consists of “Ever been a paperboy?” “Yes” “Same premise just you have the addresses on too”. Done. No further training required. In-fucking-fact, a Paperboys job is more difficult.. the address isn’t wrote on each paper and you have a selection to choose from. I got my job wrong a few times when some knob jockey would have The Times throughout the week, then go for The News of the World on a Sunday for downtime reading.. if I had the address wrote on the paper it would’ve been a completely brainless activity!

So why in the fuck are a bunch of lazy, jobs less difficult than a 12 year old childs, mother fuckers on strike today over pay?? I’d say minimum wage for a glorified paper round was more than adequet compensation. Hell, you even get exercise and a free bike - I had to pay for my own mountain bike at 12 after saving up and using my birthday money.

Postmen of Britain, get the fuck back to work you lazy bastards and be grateful a) The Polish or b) Children aren’t able to take your jobs because if they could, they most certainly would, and more relevantly, be grateful for the more than fair rewards for doing so.

Edit: I had to laugh at this message I just got off Dax :

Whats the point in doin’ a strike thicko post men………they will just spend twice as long at work tomorrow with 2 days worth of mail!

So true… so true!

Edit 2: This got me thinking even more… rather than strike, these dumb fucks should’ve posted every letter to your address to your neighbour for their full route. This would’ve caused more of a uproar as like most peoples neighbours, mine are cunts… Id’ve been more pissed off about having to deal with them than a day without mail, and it’dve got them more notice… Then again, I am a thinker…

What a bunch of friggin’ retards City Link are… I mean how hard is it to deliver a parcel these days with the likes of Satellite Navigation, Google Earth and every other advantage we have to see the exact locations of places on the planet.

3 attempts at delivering to a place where the post code has only one possible destination and they managed not to be able to find it. My parcel even had my office direct line AND my mobile phone number on and the driver was unable to think to call if he was struggling.

My automatic transmission kit for the FTO was supposed to arrive with me on Thursday but by 5pm I was getting a little worried. I gave Camskill an email and they responded right away with a tracking code. Apparently the driver had attempted delivery at 3pm and we had been carded to let us know they had done so. Had they fuck… our site has one entrance and in an open plan car park we have 2 buildings that are open throughout the day. Nothing whatsoever…

Friday am I gave City Link a call to find out where the fuck things were.. the woman assured me that the driver had our location, knew where he was going and she had logged the name of our company to relay this to the driver to ensure he knew where to go this time. By 3pm we had no sign of any Yellow and Green vans.

So I called again… yet again the woman told me that the driver was still out for delivery and they knew where they were going. She reread my address and details and everything sounded ok. By 5pm I was pissed, still nothing. At 5:10pm their online tracking system had updated to let me know they had failed delivery again, this time at 2:37pm and once again we had been carded. Once again we hadn’t.

I was steaming and immediately called them to give them a piece of my mind; that they were an inept bunch of monkeys with the same amount of common sense as a retarded squirrel. The woman was dumbfounded so she passed me across to some Northern driver who told me “ee, tut drivers durt av sat navs” and after decifering that, I told them to hold on to it and I would have to try and collect it on Saturday which was a 40 mile round trip to boot.

We landed at 11ish on Saturday at the Preston depo and to rub salt into the wound the young ginger prick behind the counter had put it out for delivery himself, even though I explicitly told them not to. I looked at him and just shook my head, I mean what else can you do when you’re dealing with a company who can’t do their job AND can’t follow instructions. He got on the phone and rang the driver, who would be back at the depo shortly so I was asked to wait 20 minutes in my car until then. So I did to let the rage calm down.

I gave them half an hour and went back in and ginger bollocks had my parcel waiting for me fortunately for him. The box was pretty battered and I had to laugh when I saw a big sticker on it saying “Hold in cage - Customer to collect Saturday AM” - being able to read can be added to the list of things City Link are incapable of. Fortunately for me everything was ok and inside the box, largely thanks to the excellent wrapping by Camskill.

And thats a wrap… the next time you order something to be delivered, try and avoid City Link… they’re a pride of dongs*!

* I don’t know the collective noun for a group of penii but I’m sure knowing men, it would be a pride…