Archive for April, 2007

My new Chav Exhaust…


If you don’t know the story I had to replace the mid section of my FTO exhaust at the weekend as it failed its MOT on emissions and after being quoted around £300 for a replacement mid box I was “fortunate” enough to find a discounted GS Sports Exhaust for the FTO for £230 Saturday delivered in the reduced section on a website.

There were no actual pictures so I had to cross my fingers and hope for the best.. it came and its Chavtastic!

Its a 5″ back pipe and although it sounds rather nice, its looks rather silly compared to my twin tailpipe of before. It also hangs too low because of the rubber holding mount not being strong enough to support its weight. Great sound, stupid boy racer look… shame!

Don’t argue with Christians, it’ll only piss you off…

Digging at work helps fill the day…that first 45 minutes before the coffee kicks in, the 15 minutes before lunch, the hour after lunch whilst things digest, the 15 minute coffee break at 4 and the last half an hour before I go home. Inevitably I read bits that stimulate thoughts on existence, what I’m doing with my life etc etc and found this picture of the typical Bible Bashers promotion to try and guilt trip you into attending church this Sunday.

Well in the comments I found this particular comment by a so called Trinity (cliche Matrix wannabes can post interesting comments at times apparently)

Don’t argue with christians guys it’ll only piss you off. How can you beat someone who’s wrong but “knows” they’re right. You’ll only get pissed off. At least you can say to took the high road.

It was right up my alley really and quite deep if you can ignore the poor punctuation, grammar and non capitalisation (I can hardly lecture about writing I know..).

I’ve been known to tickle the feathers of many a Christian in my time, and have a perverse fascination with it. I am quite well read on the religion as a whole, and this comment shares the general attitude I get when trying to voice my opinion. If you’re going to have to listen to their bullshit its always handy to have a counter argument to the shit they’ll try and coax you in with. In the words of Rage Against The Machine, “Know Your Enemy” is the only defense you have.

It always amazes me how someone with such strong beliefs is the least likely to listen to your own opinions and beliefs. They’re the first to reject anything other than their own doctrine as the truth when there is plenty of evidence to support other “theories”.

Christians don’t really have much to go off, and what they do have has been twisted, reworded, sections removed, edited to fit in with whatever agenda the Christian Missionaries and Crusaders had at the time. You have to laugh when the ideals of 2000 years ago can be hung upon word for word, yet evidence disproving their doctrine with modern science is dismissed as blasphemy, Satans work or just ignored completely.

To be honest I’m not out to kill Christianity specifically, its just closer to home for me and I have to deal with it every day. I’m sure if any religion was forced upon me I would “rebel” against it just the same. I just wish people wouldn’t quote the Bible as if it was the only solution…

I mean I could never accept a religion that forced me to accept it as the only truth and denounce all other Gods and possibilities. Just over a hundred years ago scientists thought the atom was a “plum pudding” then they researched and human driven technology allowed us to find nano particles and all the other “fluff” in an atom that we could never have imagined existed… religions are no different, and I always like to keep my options open.

The question I always get asked is “how can you live a good moral life without religion” and people who ask this question get the same look like the next thing Im going to do is punch them in the face. What you’re trying to say in that is that you think I’m that fucking stupid that without a book I can’t tell the difference between right and wrong, or that you’re that stupid… either way I’m antagonised into responding where normally I should just walk away.

If you’re such a moron that you can’t work out that killing, adultery, stealing, lying and greed are wrong then you need help and maybe you should be cleansed from the gene pool. The first 4 commandments are bullshit to begin with, then honouring my mother and father because God says so without them having to earn respect, lead their own good life is also bullshit (If my parents are Satan worshiping heathens is it still commanded that I honour them… I mean where do you draw the line on that one?). The last 5 “commandments” are just common sense/the law so outside of that you have a whole host of fun to be had if its only by those laws you live (no wonder Catholic Ministers think its ok to bum alter boys).

Rather than teaching religion in schools we should analyse all religions and take the lessons that are to be had from all religions and use them to better ourselves. Religion has a lot to offer the human race, and is also filled with a lot of bullshit, but we can only learn from it if we accept them for the stories and guilt trips they are; in 2007 we don’t need the guilt part (commercialisation and global conglomerate has this covered), or the silly practices involved. Maybe if we took the best elements from all religions and created one Super Religion that aimed to teach rather than preach we would be able to evolve and grow, but whilst people are still killing themselves in the name of God, Allah or whatever the fuck you want to call your divine spirit, we will continue to expand but never develop.

Honey BBQ Boneless Bites : Pain, Expensive and more Pain…

If you live in the shithole we call the UK you have probably seen the advertisement for KFCs new Honey BBQ chicken on TV. If you haven’t, its advertised with delicious looking chicken pieces on a rack being drizzled in luscious BBQ sauce in slow motion; one of those adverts that if you’re hungry sends you directly to the fridge.

So I thought I would give it a whirl this week, being Filthy Friday and all, and I have to say I was left disappointed and in pain….

The fat guy behind the KFC counter (who looked a lot like Michael Moore actually) grabbed a few scraps of chicken then took them over to a vat of disgusting looking hot sauce and I knew I was set for disappointment from the get go. The box reminded me of the con of popcorn chicken, again scraps of chicken thrown in the smallest container they could find.

I got back to the office and the first thing I got stuck into was the BBQ bites. As I opened the box I got a distinct acidic waft that burnt my nostrils a little (they smelt good in the bag driving back though) and was met with the above and below images.

The first image I’ve shrunk but the second is full high res taken with our Canon EOS 350d digital SLR and I recommend checking out the detailing on that chicken because it can only be described as fucking disgusting! It looked like a cross between something the cat dragged in and something it later shat back out…

But fast food is often like that, so I thought I better give it the taste test to confirm my already suspicious mind. One bite and my teeth moved into a firework display of pain. My mouth exploded with the honey entering every little flaw in my “british smile” and not having the best teeth at the minute they were now feeling the wrath of not having a dentist visit in 18 months (bad I know but who has the money when you can’t get an NHS dentist..).

I preservered through the pain and tastewise they were very sharp and acidic. If youre a big fan of McDonalds BBQ sauce over KFCs then you’ll love these Im sure, but for me it burns my chest. So not only did I have to suffer on the processing, the digestion also came back to haunt me. The sauce is so powerful it completely masks the coating which would be the only redeeming factor KFC has to offer given theyre supposed to be chicken experts and all.

At £2.49 (over $5 at the current exchange rate..) for 5 little blobs of chicken this will certainly be the last time I get them. If you want to recreate them without having to support KFC in the process just buy a bag of shit chicken nuggets from tesco for 52p or whatever the value brand nuggets cost (*shudders* I don’t actually want to know what is in 50p for 40 chicken nuggets..) and steal a few free pots of BBQ sauce from McShits… trust me, it’ll be exactly the same…..

Score: 1 and a half BBQ Boneless Pieces out of 5

Knorr soup is the shizzu!

Are you like me in that you are constantly on the munch at work? I don’t know what it is about sitting at a desk that gives me the urge to be nibbling on a cereal bar, or have a big fat mug of soup with my cup of coffee next to it, but I can feel the pounds piling on the more I do.

Anyway, I have been striving to find a great soup and today I think I found it! I tried the god awful Tesco Vegetable “Soup in a mug” the other day, or as I called it “1/3rd a Cup a Soup meets cornflour and dog gizz” and after that disaster I was a bit wary about my next soup purchase.

Amongst other things, Im a definite bargain hunter and often get suckered into the BOGOF offers in the local Tescos on our lunchtime missions, so my lunchtime munchies generally consist on whatever soups/pasta snacks are on offer this week.

Last week it was Cup a Soup buy 3 for £1.80 or something, all mediocre and tasting a bit weak compared to what it used to (doesn’t everything these days?!) but not a bad deal. This week there was nothing.

Trying not to panic at the concept of not bagging a bargain and having to pay full price for soup I found what sounded like a good idea. Knorrs actual instructions involve simmering the soup for 5 minutes, but I figured “hey, its fucking soup… what can go wrong?” and you know what… I’m a fucking genius thats what!

I bagged a Minestrone and a Florida Spring Vegetable (whatever the hell that is) to test for 51p each. Given that its suggested making is around 3 mugs (900ml) I figured this was a great buy.. and its turned out to be the best soup ever, or at least the Minestrone has.

I reckon you could easily get 4 mugs out of one pack as my soup was extremely rich and seriously tasty. There was plenty of “bits” including some strands of thin spaghetti that were edible within a few minutes. Overall the flavour took a piss in Bachelors Cup a Soup minestrone and their whole entire range, and teabagged Tescos own brand Shit in a Mug several times. Knorrs soup has now become my soup of choice for day time guzzling.

Score : 5 mugs out of 5! :D

Sony Hates Europe Part 1 : Blu-ray Region Coding map of "Fuck You"ism…brilliant!

Sony Hates Europe… Part 1

Sony hates Europe, it really does. I can’t quite put my finger on it quite yet but it really does hate us Europeans. Whether it be the long delays on releases to our region, higher prices or just shitting on us all round, Sony just loves to take a dump on us Europeans.

I am presenting evidence that Sony does indeed hate us in part one of my ever growing rally of materials on Sony with the

Blu-ray Region Coding map of “Fuck You”ism…brilliant!


The above genuine Sony map is the new region coding mechanism for Blu-ray discs. The breakdown is as following:

Region A: Region B: Region C:
- North America - Europe - Russia
- Central America - Middle East - India
- South America - Africa - China
- Korea - Australia - Rest of World
- Japan - New Zealand
- South East Asia

Now really, this banding makes no sense to me. Unlike the DVD regioning, where you could see some kind of banding, this new scheme sends one big fat message to Europeans and thats Sony hates you!


Ok, ok… let me explain myself a little! First look at that colour scheme; Green, Amber and Red. They could have used any colours for that map, so why a palette that suggests good, ok and bad regions? Well, look at the red countries… the STOP/DANGER countries of Russia, India and China. Producers of probably 90% of the pirated discs so they get a big fuck you. As does anyone thats not deemed as being part of the continent structure.

Next we have the WAIT/WARY continents, those in too much conflict to buy movies, too poor, or just an island full of convicts, bad losers with seriously bad sportsmanship… and then wait, Europe has been lumped in there too! These nations are your average Joe driver nations… those that would normally stop at a yellow light, but could speed through and import if they want to risk it.

Then finally the SAFE go, go, GO continents which includes Central and South America and South East Asia apparently. I mean what the fuck… how does a cinematic masterpiece from Sao Paulo get the same region as Hollywood, yet we get lumped with the Middle East? Holy fuck… even Cuba gets preference over the EU! I wouldn’t be so pissed off if Japan was in region B (like region 2 DVDs that are EU and Japan) as thats all I really care about.

Anyway, it hates Europe because it has to add subtitles to its movies in 20+ different languages, then create an advertising campaign for each one of those countries. It hates us because it has to create box art for each one of those regions. It hates us because we dont resemble one big fat cash cow… were a field of little cows that all need feeding in our own unique way. Sony hates our uniqueness costing its precious company much needed dollars and wants us to die.

Region locking sucks balls. Period. It serves no purpose other than allowing us to be subjected to the advertising for that product when its released for our region and this is the reason its there. Why not scrap it and do global releases or use a region coding system that actually makes sense.

I mean an English release region for one. Call this region 1. No other languages, no other subtitles and audio tracks, just an English audience region disc that can be spat out of Hollywoods vagina straight after the cinema. Then start fucking around with your other language releases.

The best solution for both parties would be to follow Microsofts lead on the Xbox 360 and leave the decision up to the producers. I guess the Movie Industry doesnt have enough independent publishers to justify this approach, and those that would probably opted for HD-DVD anyway! :)

(Sorry, this hasn’t been one of my best rants, I just wanted people to see that map!)